Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
