I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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