I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
