What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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