9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
