i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
