It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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