Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
