Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
