you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
