Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
