break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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