All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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