So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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