i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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