yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
