Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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