I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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