I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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