I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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