I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
