shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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