i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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