What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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