Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
