doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
