My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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