We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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