I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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