so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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