i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
