God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
