I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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