Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
