just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
