If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
