i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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