forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
