I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
