Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
