guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
