dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
