Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
