is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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