; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
