I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
