I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
