Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
