Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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