More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
