ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize