You just made me feel so damn special
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we're making bets on your personal life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
