My room smells like vodka and shame
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
