At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
