just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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