i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
