I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
where are you?
Hypothermia
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
