Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
