at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
