thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
