How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
