nut hugger
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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