I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
