I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize