Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
