i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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