Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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