I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
