He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
