the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
