apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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