im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
