and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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