Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
