I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
