I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
