please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
