Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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