I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love you. Go after that dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
