garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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