I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
