Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
