We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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