I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
