Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
