Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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