Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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