i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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