Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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