I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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