Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
