I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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