i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
