I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
