Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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