Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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