I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
