DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
